On Friendship

"Friendship must be about something." --C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis wrote a classical interpretation of many emotions central to human life. In his book, The Four Loves, he addresses the meaning of friendship. Drawing upon rich resources such as the ancient Greeks, Romans, traditions borne through millennia, his view may be termed as western, if not universal.

Lewis delineates the many views of friendship; he describes it as mutuality, as 'seeing the same truth, looking outward, much as French writer, St. Exupery does; he explores friends in the context of erotic love; the search for Beauty, the engagement of spirituality, companionship, and he asserts that it's the least jealous of all the loves.

Where Lovers seek privacy, friends experience enclosure between themselves and the 'herd' rushing around them, and they may not be jealous so are often willing to admit another into their circle.
The American poet Emerson posed the question of a friend several times, simply asking, 'do you care about the same truths as I do?' The answer to this is the point at which a companion may move to a friend.
Shared activities and insights may be a draw for companions who 'share the road.' But a deeper, inner sense recognizing certain truths brings them into the realm of friend.

And while friends may not fully draw the same conclusions, they generally agree on the importance of questions. Seeing the shape of the world in similar fashion draws them to similar questions, if not responses.

Further Lewis argues simple friendship is entirely free of the need to be needed. He writes, "in a circle of true friends, each is simply what he is: stands for nothing but ones' self."

While Eros seeks out naked bodies, friendship seeks naked personalities. There is no absolute duty to friend anyone, nor is there a legal contract such as marriage. 

Friendship comes freely, entirely unencumbered with these other types of strictures.
Yet in modern, industrialized societies friendship is so often undervalued in favor of contractualized relationships as if these are somehow inherently better, more legitimate.
One cannot fail to notice the number and degree of divorces that abound in any given community.

Friends form moreover an appreciation of each other. They not only travel the same roads but their values within the realm of truths inform their judgement, leaving them more clear-eyed about one another.
They are observant of a mutual love and knowledge, and this forms itself into an appreciation a sentiment that often leaves one feeling in his deepest heart, humbled, what is he among those seemingly better, how lucky to be.
And when together among these friends, there is the knowledge that each brings out as if by magic the better in one self, the best, the funniest, the most clever, the beauty. In the conversation, the mind opens to something more, a perception of the self previously unknown comes into view. Life has no better gift to give than a good friend or two.

The Suns of Poetry

For some, poetry aims highly at several things. As an art form it uses language in new and creative ways to express ideas and emotions; it creates its own vocabulary for expression of some of our deepest thoughts and feelings. The poet is, in the words of Indian teacher and mystic, Sri Aurobindo, the result of the harmonizing of
"five perennial powers: truth, beauty, joy, life and spirit." The one he terms, the "poet-seer" is someone who "sees differently, who thinks in another way... the poet shows us truth within its power of beauty, in its symbol or image, reveals it to us..."

Poets seek to illumine, to amplify or lift up in words, images and symbols in the way the visual artist does with his drawings or designs. For Aurobindo the term life carries further meaning than its base, scientific sense. In its use, Aurobindo means to signify "the life of feelings and passions. The inner life, which is infinite." Poets as seers and sages are gifted with the ability to perceive and elucidate upon those facets of living which many feel but can derive no words for meaning. The poet is much loved for the giving of words to otherwise unexpressed longings of ones' heart. Poetry then is the heart of the heart. Sri Aurobindo makes this clear when he writes about matters of truth, beauty and joy:

 Because Thou Art

Because Thou art All-beauty and All-bliss,

My soul blind and enamored yearns for Thee; 

It bears Thy mystic touch in all that is 

And thrills with the burden of that ecstasy. 

Behind all eyes I meet Thy secret gaze 

And in each voice I hear Thy magic tune: 

Thy sweetness haunts my heart through Nature's ways;

 Nowhere it beats now from Thy snare immune. 

It loves Thy body in all living things; 

Thy joy is there in every leaf and stone: 

The moments bring Thee on their fiery wings; 

Sight's endless artistry is Thou alone
Time voyages with Thee upon its prow
And all the future's passionate hope is Thou.

--Sri Aurobindo

The complete Works of Sri Aurobindo 


 

Forgiveness, Sorting Through Your Secrets

"Some harm that people do to themselves or others may appear to 
outsiders to be less grave..." -- Forgiving Yourself by Beverly Flannigan

Many people find it difficult to forgive themselves for the simple, secret reason that they felt some benefit or pleasure from the now regretted experience. It may have been a sense of power, control, emotion, energy or mastery. It may have been a degree of delight in depriving another of a benefit such as needed material items, or the plain truth.

Keeping secrets for these reasons may make a later impulse to self-forgiveness more difficult; self forgiveness is self-confrontation and requires for many, a measure of courage. We don't like what we see in the mirror, yet we live with it day after day. Forgiving Yourself by Beverly Flannigan, discusses forgiveness and includes the issue of secrets.
 "Some harm that people do to themselves or others may appear to outsiders to be less grave than it is to the person unable to forgive himself. You may have been told that you 'did the best you could' or 'didn't know.' You may not have been able to listen to other peoples' condolences because you knew something no one else knew about the situation. For example, you may have felt momentarily good about hurting someone or physically aroused, assaulted, or angry at a person."

If what you know about your situation, you keep 'secret,' it likely is at the center of your inability to forgive yourself. Flannigan recommends to such transgressors that they write down as much as they can remember about the situation, include all the details without fearing the memory; express those parts of yourself in writing that you think or thought then, were unacceptable.
She advises the writing be kept in a safe place; refer to it as often as needed, adding details or feelings which you may have not recalled at first writing. This may take weeks as things surface in your mind.

Concluding this discussion Flannigan notes that, "With each phase of forgiving yourself, you come closer and closer to truth. Eventually you will expose more of your truth to another person."
  For now, the hard work of confronting what you most dislike in yourself takes you closer to the time you feel genuine relief and can say to yourself, "I feel whole, I forgive myself."

An Epic Tale, Mahabharata

"Lying on the bed of arrows, Bhisma thinks of me, and my mind is gone to him, to that repository of knowledge. Strive for truth. Be good." --The Mahabharata

 Many here in the West are familiar with the Bagvad Gita, a famous dialog between Krsna and Arjuna; however fewer are aware that it is actually a text contained within the Mahabharata. The Mahabharata is an epic tale. It is the longest of poems, stretching out more than 100,000 verses!

According to tradition, its author is the sage Vyasa, the Arranger; however current scholarship has determined that the text was compiled over a lengthy period of time. It reached its current form about the fourth century CE. Along side the Ramayana, the Mahabharata is considered  two of the major epics in Hinduism, and sometimes compared to the great texts of other faiths
During the medieval period in Europe, the poem existed in two major forms, one northern and one southern. It was re-told in a Tamil version.

The central hero of the story is Yudhisthira, the son of Dharma personified as a deity. It is divided into 18 parts and is often acted out in a play throughout India and else where. It is a fluid and contemporary part of modern Hinduism. In the 1980's there was a version presented on television which was very popular.
 The origins of the story lay in the non-Brahminical social groups of the Aryavarta, especially the Ksatiya aristocrats, giving some understanding of their lives. The epic was overshadowed by the orthodox Brahmans and given its ideology by the same.
In a version told by Indian author, R.K. Narayan, the tale is shortened to its most critical elements and was published in London in 1978.

While the story may be enjoyed on many levels, it is an allegory and a metaphor for the human plane, the ethics of the higher and lower selves and the struggle between the two, and forms a profound philosophy. The story's central theme is a struggle over the rulership of a kingdom by two clans. It ends with the death of Krsna and the gradual uncovering of his divine identity.

Dreams, Living Your "Unlived" Life

In the culturing process, the many decisions of our parents and childhood caretakers become habits, and they become our own when adults. The mind has a terrific repertoire of past behavior accrued over time and stored until the precise moment when needed. These actions, memories or past, form a bulk of our coping skills in adult life.
For many they are trusty and reliable responses to ordinary life events, things like dealing with annoying people, completing tasks, organizing our schedules and taking advantage of "down time." We often think of them as "manners."

All these activities give the adult satisfaction and a sense of mastery over everyday events. one often gains a sense of security from these interactions; as a person matures, more experiences accrue and more strategies are learned, stored and used as needed.
For many if not most, there comes a point in time when we are no longer marking time as "from when I was born until the present," but rather time is more as "from the present moment to my death." This shift in perception is gradual, usually occurring in the 40's and becoming louder as the 50th decade and beyond approaches.

Those trusty old solutions, those experiences of the past may no longer suit. What once was a brilliant maneuver at age 25 is not so now. Life is more lived, and the past while possibly remembered fondly now is more nuanced, more characterized. Something new is often in order.
The goal is not the elimination of patterned views and responses; growing maturity may call for a re-examination of previously disregarded choices or pathways.

Yet this can lead to major disruption or even financial ruin of a lifetime of gain. So many busy themselves with other things, staving off the gnawing thought in the back of the mind, that a path once contemplated, such as travel, further study or a career move might, still, make sense.
Writing partly from personal experience and partly from a professional perspective authors R. Johnson and J. Ruhl write in their book, Living Your Unlived Life that loosening up on the reins of life, "give us more freedom of choice, to regain access to lost resources that are essential to a fulfilling life."
The paradox of identity is that identity is fluid over a lifetime, more than something rigid or habitual. Even so, we rely on the patterns of the previous to make our current experiences coherent.

And while these patterns and structures are necessary and in a large degree helpful, they are also, "over time becoming boundaries, restricting our freedom and narrowing our experience." Relying then on the familiar, we do feel often worn out, tired or stressed. As the saying, 'same old thing' kicks in, "by mid-life your identity is the institutionalization of your past," writes Johnson.
The antidote Johnson says may lie in several places, but one thing he assures the reader is that by this time in life whatever the solution, it indeed lies within.
Carl Jung, Johnson's mentor, wrote that it is "a mistake to fear that the truths and values of earlier adulthood are no longer relevant; they have just become relative-- they aren't universally true."

Becoming re-acquainted with your inner life, the who, how and whys of your existence may make you feel a bit of a teen again, but it will also give you new awareness and updated solutions to events in your life. The authors give much, much more detail and introduce the concept of "active imagination" as a real and effective tool for growth.
Johnson insists that it may effectively quell moods, mental stresses and other psychic disorders if practiced effectively and consistently. This technique as explained incorporates ones' dreams, imaginings and conscious thoughts as part of its method.

Beautiful but Empty

"Men have forgotten this truth... The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart." --The Little Prince by Antoine de St.Exupery

The Little Prince, a story by the Frenchman, explorer, adventurer and nobleman, Antoine de St. Exupery recounts in an extraordinary way some of the most beautiful and deepest truths in the passage of a life. Writing the story of the Little Prince, St.Exupery writes about a person who lives alone on a tiny planet.

He has a flower, unlike any other flower in the galaxy. She is greatly beautiful to him. But pride ruins the serenity of his world, prompting him to travel afar, seeking solace.

His travel brings him to Earth where he makes the acquaintance of many; a fox finally tells him "the present of a secret" which enables the Little Prince to view his planet and his beloved flower through new eyes. The secret he learns, is what is really important in life.

Chapter 20-21:
Good morning said the roses. They all looked like his flower.
"Who are you?" he demanded. 
"We are roses," said one... He [the little prince] was overcome with sadness. His rose told him she was the only one of her kind... here were 5,000 of them all alike...
"She would be very much annoyed. I should be obliged to nurse her... to humble myself also, she would really allow herself... I thought I was rich with a flower that was unique in all the world; I had a common rose. That doesn't make me a very great prince." 
And he lay down in the grass and cried.

It was then the fox appeared. "Who are you? asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at... "I cannot play with you. I am not tamed." "What does it mean--'tame'?"
 "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. 'It means to establish ties.To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy, like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you... You have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me you will be unique in all the world..."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. 'There is a flower... I think she has tamed me..." "If you tame me," said the fox, "It shall be as if the sun came to shine in my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Yours will call to me, like music, drawing me out of my burrow.' The fox continues, 'Your hair is golden, like the color of the wheat fields... I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat... Please--tame me!" exclaimed the fox.

"I have much friends to discover, and many things to understand."
 "One only understands the things that one tames," replied the fox. "There is no shop where one can buy friendship, so men have no friends anymore."
"What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," said the fox. ' Words are the source of misunderstandings. One must observe the proper rites," said the fox.
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince. "Those are actions too often neglected," said the fox. 'They are what makes one day different from another."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near-- "Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. 'I never wished you any sort of harm, but you wished me to tame you."
 "Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done no good," said the prince.
"It has done me good because of the color of the wheat fields." 'Go--again and look at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back and I will make you the present of a secret..."

"You are not at all like my rose," said the little prince. ..No one has tamed you and you have tamed no one... "You are beautiful, but you are empty. One could not die for you." My rose may look like any other, but she is more important to me than any other in the world because it is she that I have watered, she that I have sheltered, she that I have listened to, boasted to, grumbled to, or sometimes said nothing. Because she is my rose.
Returning to the fox, he said goodbye. The fox replied, "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye..." It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." "Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "You must not forget it."
 The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart...

The Present of a Secret, the Little Prince

"Men have forgotten this truth... The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart." --The Little Prince by Antoine de St. Exupery

The Little Prince, a story by the Frenchman, explorer, adventurer and nobleman, Antoine de St.Exupery recounts in an extraordinary way some of the most beautiful and deepest truths in the passage of a life. Writing the story of the Little Prince, St.Exupery writes about a person who lives alone on a tiny planet.

He has a flower, unlike any other flower in the galaxy. She is greatly beautiful to him. But pride ruins the serenity of his world, prompting him to travel afar, seeking solace.

His travel brings him to Earth where he makes the acquaintance of many; a fox finally tells him "the present of a secret" which enables the Little Prince to view his planet and his beloved flower through new eyes. The secret he learns, is what is really important in life.

Chapter 20-21:
Good morning said the roses. They all looked like his flower. "Who are you," he demanded.
"We are roses," said one... He [the little prince] was overcome with sadness. His rose told him she was the only one of her kind... here were 5,000 of them all alike..."She would be very much annoyed."
I should be obliged to nurse her... to humble myself also, she would really allow herself... "I thought I was rich with a flower that was unique in all the world; I had a common rose. That doesn't make me a very great prince." And he lay down in the grass and cried.

It was then the fox appeared. "Who are you," asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at..."
"I cannot play with you. I am not tamed."
"What does it mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties." "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy, like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you... You have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me you will be unique in all the world..."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower... I think she has tamed me..."
 "If you tame me," said the fox, "It shall be as if the sun came to shine in my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Yours will call to me, like music, drawing me out of my burrow." The fox continues, Your hair is golden, like the color of the wheat fields... I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat... Please--tame me!" exclaimed the fox.

I have much friends to discover, and many things to understand. "One only understands the things that one tames," replied the fox. "There is no shop where one can buy friendship, so men have no friends anymore."
 "What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.
 "You must be very patient," said the fox. Words are the source of misunderstandings. "One must observe the proper rites," said the fox.
 "What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
 "Those are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what makes one day different from another."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near-- "Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
 "It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm, but you wished me to tame you."
 "Yes, that is so," said the fox. "Then it has done no good," said the prince.
 "It has done me good because of the color of the wheat fields." "Go--again and look at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back and I will make you the present of a secret"...

"You are not at all like my rose," said the little prince... No one has tamed you and you have tamed no one... "You are beautiful, but you are empty. One could not die for you." My rose may look like any other, but she is more important to me than any other in the world because it is she that I have watered, she that I have sheltered, she that I have listened to, boasted to, grumbled to, or sometimes said nothing. Because she is my rose.
Returning to the fox, he said goodbye. The fox replied, "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye..." "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." "Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "You must not forget it." The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart...

Sadhana, the Realization of Beauty

"A thing is only completely our own when it is a thing of joy." Sadhana by R. Tagore

Investigating further into the work of Rabindranath Tagore, he writes in his book, Sadhana several essays on different topics, combined together to create the whole of harmony as he sees it. The realization of beauty, of beauty-harmony, as he describes, is in terms of the realization of what is real.
"The greater part of this world is to us as if it were nothing... but we cannot allow it to remain so... Things in which we do not take joy are either a burden upon our minds to be got rid of at any cost, or they are useful and therefore in temporary and partial relation to us, becoming burdensome when their utility is lost. Or they are are like wandering vagabonds, loitering for a moment on the outskirts of our recognition and then passing on."
But, writes Tagore, "the entire world is given to us," and our final meaning and powers are taken from a patrimony, if you will."
 What is the function of beauty in the process of realization of the self into this world? It is this question which the author takes on here. Tagore muses that if beauty is present to separate light and shadow, or ugliness and other, then "we would have to admit that this sense of beauty creates a dissension in our universe, and sets up a wall of hindrance."

While disagreeing with this understanding of beauty, Tagore writes that the comprehending of beauty is  unexplored territory, as he sees it. Philosophers have come up with discourse as to its nature, and science writes of issues affecting beauty, but its reality remains wide open for exploration.
Truth, he writes, is everywhere. And "beauty is omnipresent." Beauty often comes to us as a smack, awakening consciousness suddenly and definitely. It then acquires its urgency, "by the object of the contrast." It first rends us with its discords. "But as our acquaintance ripens, the apparent discords are resolved into modulations of rhythm."

At first "we detach beauty from its surroundings, we hold it apart from the rest," but in the end we recognize its harmony with the rest. Appealing finally to our hearts, beauty enters into conscious relationship with us; it becomes us and becomes our joy. Our hearts skip a beat as we apprehend that which is in the world, beautiful, joyful, our very own. Beauty, says Tagore, does not exist without Truth. All beauty is some form of Truth.

"Last night I stood alone in the silence which pervaded the darkness, I stood alone and heard the voice of the singer of eternal melodies. When I went to sleep, I closed my eyes with this last thought in my mind, that even when I remain unconscious, in slumber, the dance of life will still go on in the hushed arena of my sleeping body, keeping step with the stars. The heart will throb, the blood will leap in the veins and the millions of living atoms in my body will vibrate in tune with the note of the harp-string that thrills at the touch of the master."

-- Rabindranath Tagore

Living Awake and in the Truth, Part 2

Simple Mind is away from the computer. The following appeared here earlier this year, January 2, 2009.

Assumptions--are just that, assumptions.
To the Simple Mind, we are aware that things change, and in fact it is desirable because if they did not there would not be the opening for learning, for the new, a relief from what pains us, or hope. We would remain angry, fearful, resentful, confused. Pray for impermanence.
Working with this precept, we no longer try to escape the experience; rather like a scientist, we wait and observe our self, our reaction, our perceptions and what exists in this moment around us.
Reactions, like emotions, are automatic, they just happen. But what we choose to do isn't a happenstance. The will chooses and then we act. This is a freedom that we take so as to make best use and advantage of our circumstances.

What do we do when we find ourselves in the midst of gossip? What about that?
Sometimes we want to feel part of a group or an event by talking ill of another person, or deliberately excluding others, to feel more special or bonded -- us against them. Gossip is when we say things about others that are potentially harmful or slanderous to that other person -- with full knowledge of this in our mind.
This is distinguished from speaking about others with the intention of sorting out our thoughts or feelings, or problem solving.

Then there are the instant reactions that lead us into hurtful speech or action. What about when we feel insulted? How about when an emotion demands our attention?
Before beginning earnest practice, maybe we just walked away or changed the subject to avoid what we judged distasteful. Maybe we excused ourselves with the thought that "they deserve it, anyway."

Sometimes we counted to 10 or went for a walk before answering that insulting remark, that hurtful phrase. These tactics likely stopped or controlled our reactions, but to really move beyond, to move to a Simple Mind requires a different response. A response that perhaps to this point in our lives we are unfamiliar with.
We must through practice, in awareness, dismantle our habitual thoughts and patterns of behavior. These are habits which cause us to suffer; those perceived thoughts, the imagined self which keeps us in the dream.
When we gain in awareness, then our deepest beliefs and fears may be faced honestly and squarely. We respond to what is so, to reality as it is by experience, not driven by fear, anger or other passion. Our response is what is required, according to our will, our desire to be as we are.

With this precept, our practice becomes meeting life in all its possibilities, in its newness, and its sometimes strangeness.

And while certainty, feeling "sure" is seductive, and it can make us feel safe, prayers for change, for impermanence are part of the Way. As a Mahayana practitioner notes, 'when a flower dies, we don't cry, because we know flowers are impermanent.' Understanding this, we will suffer less and be joyful more. Impermanence is not negative!
Does it then, in the Way, mean that we have to lose all that we care for? Of course not; the community remains and is important. What is also important is that we not cling so tightly to persons or things, that we fail to recognize the nature of change.
So, to gain in skillfulness and practice of the precepts, we must turn to experience, the present moment as our guide, and not simply notions or intellectual ideas.

As Joko Beck has said, "when we experience for ourselves the transitory nature of beliefs, then it no longer has us in a strong hold. We can be freer from our requirements--freer to speak truthfully." Isn't it odd how those we care for most deeply, those who have meaning to us in our daily lives, are those for whom we most often hold deeply, and those whom we entrench in our faultfinding?

This is one of the ways in which we may avoid ourselves.
We are dishonest with ourselves first before the other. By focusing not on our own experience, but on what we think must be the experience of another, we criticize, nit-pick, fault. Sometimes, most often, those negative attributes are really our own.
Our own views may thus be frozen; we may not be acting from awareness of our selves-- what are we feeling, what is my perception/experience? If we do not take the critical self view, like that of a scientist, examining our own functioning, our own organism, faultfinding gains a hold. We react to something that may not even be real at all-- at least not real beyond our own mind, and then we suffer the consequences when the world rebuffs us, as it must.


Other ways of avoiding or not being truthful are several:

*Do I add to the story my own facts, interpretations or opinions as though they are true?

Try seeing yourself as the other person whom you spoke about. How do your words fit now? What is your experience?

*Do I keep silent? Do I comment when in a group about something I know, or do I allow it to pass by?

What is your intention in keeping silent? What is your experience? Do I take some advantage from not speaking?

As you practice, keep in mind that in the Simple Mind, speaking truthfully is neither better nor worse.

Evil Love

"A human being is beautiful and may be revealed as beautiful to another human being."
--Love and Responsibility
by Karol Wojtyla, Pope John Paul II

Love and truth, writes Karol Wojtyla, are inseparable. "When we speak of truth in attraction, it is essential ... that the attraction not be limited to partial values, to something inherent in a person, but not to the person as a whole... there must be a direct attraction to the whole person... And the person as an entity, and hence as a good, is different from all that is not a person... The object of attraction which is seen as a good, is also seen as a thing of beauty. This is very important in the attraction on which love between masculine and feminine is based... A human being is beautiful and may be revealed as beautiful to another human being."

A woman, reckons Wojtyla, may be beautiful in a way all her own, and a man attracted to her through her beauty. Likewise, a man is also beautiful in his own particular way. This beauty must necessarily include the entirety of the individual, not merely his physical nature. Desire also belongs to true love; it is perhaps the most powerful component of human love; this is true because we are all limited beings, social beings and we have need for others. And yet love between man and woman would prove evil, if it went no further than love as desire; it is not enough to love and desire others as a good for yourself, one must however long for and seek that person's good. If this is not present, then an egoism exists.

Genuine love completes the life and enlarges the existence of a person. Love given and received in friendship, in goodwill, with desire, are closely connected. How so? If for example, one person desires another as a good for himself, then they must want that person to be a true good, not false goods. Goodwill is indeed free of self interest, it is selflessness in love. Such love is the love which does the most good to those who experience it; both persons are fulfilled in the exchange.

Evil may generally be defined as the sum of opposition to the genuine needs and desires of individuals. Evil seeks not acquisition but loss or deprivation of an otherwise good. Thus truth is the antithesis of evil. In love, truth is the factor which balances its parts, such as desire, friendship, good will, attraction, tenderness among others. One may, in truth, realize what one experiences to be genuine good or not. Truth allows for the objective evaluation of a possible good, and contrasts that good against its opposite. Thus, in the Christian mind, God is the ultimate; his love is truth to which Christians may aspire.

Self Honesty and Forgiveness

The Ideal of Forgiveness, a tale from India.

Gopal's Eternal Brother

Once there was a great king named Vishwamitra. One day he learned that there was a saint in his kingdom whom everybody adored. The name of this saint was Vashishtha, and everyone gladly touched his feet. Now, although Vishwamitra was a very great king, nobody used to come and touch his feet.
People were afraid of him, and they would tremble before him. But with Vashishtha it was different. People gladly touched Vashishtha's feet with deepest appreciation and admiration.
So Vishwamitra was extremely jealous of Vashishtha. Vashishtha was a very great saint. After praying to God for many, many years, Vashishtha had realised God, and could speak to God face to face.
Vishwamitra knew that this was the reason why everybody was adoring Vashishtha instead of him, so he too started praying to God.

He prayed to God for a couple of years very seriously, often fasting but still he did not realise God. Then he became impatient. He went to Vashishtha and said, "You have realised God, but I have not been able to. I wish you to tell the world that I have also realised God, like you."

Vashista replied, "How can I say that?" "You can say it," the king insisted. "If you tell people, everybody will believe you, because you yourself have realised God. You know who God is, you speak to God. Tell everyone that I have realised God. Otherwise I shall kill your children!" Vashishtha said, "You can kill my children, but I cannot tell a lie."
Vishwamitra was a most powerful king. One by one he had the hundred sons of Vashishtha killed. The hundred sons were very well educated, kind and spiritual. They had studied the Vedas, the Upanishads and other religious and sacred books.

Nevertheless, the notorious king killed them all. Even after doing this Vishwamitra was not satisfied, because Vashishtha still refused to announce that he had realised God.
After a few months he thought, "This time he has to tell the world that I have realised God, or I shall kill him!" With this idea in his mind he went to Vashishtha's small cottage.

Before knocking at the door he stood outside quietly listening to the conversation inside. Arundhati, one of Vashishtha's wives, was saying to her husband, "My lord, why don't you say that Vishwamitra has realised God? If you had said it I would still have all my children. They were such nice, kind, devoted children.
They were all jewels. But just because you wouldn't say that he has realised God, he has killed all my children, and who knows what he will do next!"
Vashishtha said, "How can you ask me to do that? I love him. He has not realised God. How can I tell people that he has realised God? I love him and that is why I cannot tell a lie."

Even though Vishwamitra had killed the hundred sons of Vashishtha, the father could still say that he loved him! When Vishwamitra heard what Vashishtha said, he came running in and touched Vashishtha's feet, crying, "Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, my lord. I never knew that anyone on earth could love a person who had killed all his children."
Vashishtha placed his hand on Vishwamitra's head and blessed him. He said, "Today you have realised God, because today you know what love is, what truth is. God is all forgiveness. I am forgiving you, because the God in me is forgiving you. Today you have realised God."

What do we learn from this story? We learn that the ideal of forgiveness is the supreme ideal. When we pray to God, we see God's qualities: love and forgiveness. When we receive love and forgiveness from God, we can behave like God towards other people. Vashishtha's hundred sons were killed, yet even then he loved Vishwamitra.

Then, when Vishwamitra begged for forgiveness, Vashishtha gave it immediately, as well as giving him his inner Light, Joy and Power. Like Vashishtha, we always have the ability to forgive people when they do wrong things.
In this way we give them our Light, our Truth, our Joy. From this story we also learn the importance of associating with holy men.
When we are in the company of a spiritual person, even for a second, what transformation takes place in our life! Our life is changed in the twinkling of an eye.

From Gopal's Eternal Brother And Other Stories for Children by Sri Chinmoy

Mother Teresa, the Venerable: "If we really want to love,
[ our self first, and then the other ] we must learn how to forgive."

Living Awake and in the Truth part 2

Assumptions--are just that, assumptions.
To the Simple Mind, we are aware that things change, and in fact it is desirable because if they did not there would not be the opening for learning, for the new, a relief from what pains us, or hope. We would remain angry, fearful, resentful, confused. Pray for impermanence.
Working with this precept, we no longer try to escape the experience; rather like a scientist, we wait and observe our self, our reaction, our perceptions and what exists in this moment around us.
Reactions, like emotions, are automatic, they just happen. But what we choose to do isn't a happenstance. The will chooses and then we act. This is a freedom that we take so as to make best use and advantage of our circumstances.

What do we do when we find ourselves in the midst of gossip? What about that?
Sometimes we want to feel part of a group or an event by talking ill of another person, or deliberately excluding others, to feel more special or bonded -- us against them. Gossip is when we say things about others that are potentially harmful or slanderous to that other person -- with full knowledge of this in our mind.
This is distinguished from speaking about others with the intention of sorting out our thoughts or feelings, or problem solving.

Then there are the instant reactions that lead us into hurtful speech or action. What about when we feel insulted? How about when an emotion demands our attention?
Before beginning earnest practice, maybe we just walked away or changed the subject to avoid what we judged distasteful. Maybe we excused ourselves with the thought that "they deserve it, anyway."

Sometimes we counted to 10 or went for a walk before answering that insulting remark, that hurtful phrase. These tactics likely stopped or controlled our reactions, but to really move beyond, to move to a Simple Mind requires a different response. A response that perhaps to this point in our lives we are unfamiliar with.
We must through practice, in awareness, dismantle our habitual thoughts and patterns of behavior. These are habits which cause us to suffer; those perceived thoughts, the imagined self which keeps us in the dream.
When we gain in awareness, then our deepest beliefs and fears may be faced honestly and squarely. We respond to what is so, to reality as it is by experience, not driven by fear, anger or other passion. Our response is what is required, according to our will, our desire to be as we are.

With this precept, our practice becomes meeting life in all its possibilities, in its newness, and its sometimes strangeness.

And while certainty, feeling "sure" is seductive, and it can make us feel safe, prayers for change, for impermanence are part of the Way. As a Mahayana practitioner notes, 'when a flower dies, we don't cry, because we know flowers are impermanent.' Understanding this, we will suffer less and be joyful more. Impermanence is not negative!
Does it then, in the Way, mean that we have to lose all that we care for? Of course not; the community remains and is important. What is also important is that we not cling so tightly to persons or things, that we fail to recognize the nature of change.
So, to gain in skillfulness and practice of the precepts, we must turn to experience, the present moment as our guide, and not simply notions or intellectual ideas.

As Joko Beck has said, "when we experience for ourselves the transitory nature of beliefs, then it no longer has us in a strong hold. We can be freer from our requirements--freer to speak truthfully." Isn't it odd how those we care for most deeply, those who have meaning to us in our daily lives, are those for whom we most often hold deeply, and those whom we entrench in our faultfinding?

This is one of the ways in which we may avoid ourselves.
We are dishonest with ourselves first before the other. By focusing not on our own experience, but on what we think must be the experience of another, we criticize, nit-pick, fault. Sometimes, most often, those negative attributes are really our own.
Our own views may thus be frozen; we may not be acting from awareness of our selves-- what are we feeling, what is my perception/experience? If we do not take the critical self view, like that of a scientist, examining our own functioning, our own organism, faultfinding gains a hold. We react to something that may not even be real at all-- at least not real beyond our own mind, and then we suffer the consequences when the world rebuffs us, as it must.


Other ways of avoiding or not being truthful are several:

*Do I add to the story my own facts, interpretations or opinions as though they are true?

Try seeing yourself as the other person whom you spoke about. How do your words fit now? What is your experience?

*Do I keep silent? Do I comment when in a group about something I know, or do I allow it to pass by?

What is your intention in keeping silent? What is your experience? Do I take some advantage from not speaking?

As you practice, keep in mind that in the Simple Mind, speaking truthfully is neither better nor worse.