The Most Personal Words

"Words become more personal the more emotional they are."  The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra

In loving practice, the "most valuable things you can learn about yourself  is what you mean by the words, 'I love you'." The phrase is complex because it involves you, says Chopra.  
This phrase has both past and present contained within; it is filled with self-expectation, and expectations for others. 
Some of these may be painful. In reflecting on the meaning of the phrase, it is both helpful and creative to actually 'brain storm' and write down words which you freely associate with 'I love you.' Chopra then asks his reader to reflect on the type of words and person(s) associated with them who surface in your unique list; he interprets for his reader.

Bringing the conversation back to the basis in Dharma, there exists a deep mystery of the 'soul,' one which is not easily defined or perceived. For in love, there is the 'blending' of soul, two making something which one is not alone. This creation forms uniquely between the two. What began as 'me' is now 'us' or 'we.'
The realization of an 'us' or a 'we' forms "the essence of surrender." Being in Dharma makes 'us' or 'we,' a possible reality by healing a sense of separation. There is a sense of a unified spirit acting in the best interests of the Oneness. This is not just rhetoric.
When you come from love, unity allows a clear view of another's viewpoint. You understand the one who is not exactly your self, and not yet so very different from you.

There is another meaning to surrender. It is the falling into what you deeply desire. The spirit "frames it as, 'I see that you need me." It is the process that is essential; the focus is just that moment to moment experience. The outcome is less critical. 
 "Spirit has no such ulterior motives. It acknowledges the other person's need, but it neither takes responsibility for that need nor denies it."
It accepts, even if you may not immediately understand. So the need that we most have is to be seen (known, recognized), to be invited, and to be welcome in our own daily life as we move through our dharma. The absence of these things is the source of much of alienation in modern life. Surrendering in the spirit of service gives "rise to joy."

All great religious traditions point to the Way, the spiritual path by that tradition. Often these ways are counter-cultural; they may be radical or culturally subversive. They ask for risk, for forward movement into places initially mysterious or even frightening; for outcomes which we cannot initially foresee. They may even seem to lead to death of a certain kind.
The "Vedas teach that human beings are capable of personal evolution." So Kali may not actually be Kali, nor Lord Siva, Siva.
When we are confused, we are out of dharma; if we refuse synchronicity, our path loses focus; we temporally lose our way. Everything happens in an ordered fashion. The way of dharma sees to that.

 Chopra continues his point. He writes that "love and attachment aren't the same thing...Isn't it love when you share your world with someone else? ...be exclusive in this way?
The answer is surprising, the deeper you  look, the more you will see love and attachment are not the same thing." Love, he says allows freedom of the Beloved to be unlike you.
Attachment seeks conformity; Love imposes no particular demands.
Attachment expresses overwhelmingly an 'urge to merge.' Love expands and includes; attachment wishes to exclude all others. It is possessive; it's jealous.
"The seduction of attachment is a feeling of security from the outside world." However that may be what deadens and insulates us.
But for some, it also prompts a cloying feeling, a paradox which jump-starts one, propelling them back into life itself.

Consciousness, Everything That Rises True

~ For traveling friends, because education truly is a two-way street ~

"feel your lightness and let it merge with others..."--Tao Te Ching

"Many poets are not poets... they never succeed in being themselves."

"It is therefore literally true that anyone who rests content with philosophical or theological speculation about God is supremely ignorant."

--Thomas Merton

"Pushed to the extreme, Mind can only harden man, not divinize him or even simply give him joy..."

--Sri Aurobindo, Satprem

"I am the will, the heart, the soul, the spirit, the self, the I..."

--Peter Kreeft

Ways of seeing, vispayana, are many and yet they are few: some spiritual traditions are unique, and yet they are universal:

"If you know what it is, don't talk it away:
If you don't then you don't understand.

Hush, keep it in, and your doorway shut--
Steer clear of sharpness and untangle the knots.

Feel your lightness and let it merge with others,
This we say is our basis of oneness.

The sage who does this doesn't have to worry
about people called 'friends' or 'enemies,'
with profit or loss, honor or disgrace--

He is a Master of Life, instead."
--Tao Te Ching, chapter 56, translated by Man-Ho Kwok

"I have three priceless treasures:
The first is compassion
the second, thrift
And the third is that I never want to be ahead of you.

If I have compassion, you will die for me. I know that.
If I waste nothing, I can give myself to you all--
And if I don't seem perfect, then you'll trust me to lead you.

These days people scorn compassion. They try to be tough.
They spend all they have, and yet want to be generous
They despise humility, and want to be the best.

I tell you that way is Death's.

If you have loved your people, you will know it
they will fight tooth and nail for you in attack or defense.

This is the protection of Heaven, and your harvest.
--Tao Te Ching, chapter 67, translated by Man-Ho Kwok

Thomas Merton, Integrity:
"Many poets are not poets for the same reason that many religious men are not saints: they never succeed in being themselves. They never get around to being the particular poet or particular saint they are intended to be by [gifts of] God... They wear out their minds and bodies in a hopeless endeavor to have somebody else's experiences, or write somebody else's poems, or possess somebody else's spirituality...

There can be an intense egoism in following everybody else. People are in a hurry to magnify themselves by imitating what is popular-- and too lazy to think of anything better... Hurry ruins saints as well as artists... In great saints you find that perfect humility and perfect integrity coincide. The two turn out to be practically the same thing. The saint is unlike everybody else precisely because he is humble... since no two people are alike, if you have the humility to be yourself, you will not be like anyone else in the whole universe... Individuality is something deep in the soul... humility brings with it a deep refinement of spirit, a peacefulness, a tact and common sense, without which there is no sane morality...How do you expect to arrive at the end of your own journey if you take the road to another man's city?

--Thomas Merton, Trappist monk from his book, The New Seeds of Contemplation

Says Thomas Merton, writing about the saint of India, St Thomas the Apostle in his book also The Ascent to Truth, "Speculative sciences can only find God as he is reflected in visible creation..." There is an embodied truth that is whole and complete, as you are a whole and complete body and soul. Thus the teaching about 'belief in both the seen and the unseen.'

Peter Kreeft, The Most Important Thing:
"Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man." Matthew 15:11

"This is true not only of the mouth or the body, but also the soul. What comes into my soul is not necessarily what I will, but what comes out of my soul is precisely what I will. The Greek philosophers did not clearly recognize this personal center. They were intellectualists; they thought the deepest thing in us was the mind. Thus Plato taught that whenever we really know the good, we do it... Aristotle defined man as a rational animal." When asked about his teachings, Jesus replied, "My teaching is not mine, but his who sent me. If any man's will is to do this [the Father's] will, he shall know whether the teaching is from God." John 7: verses 16-17

"The will leads us to wisdom... Know thyself, was the first and greatest command for the Greeks. It was inscribed upon every Temple of Apollo... To answer that fundamental question: What is the self? What am I? What is the human person? The key of love unlocks the deepest answer...

--Peter Kreeft, The God Who Loves You

And finally, the last word here: "In truth, it is not our human forces which will work out this passage... but a more and more conscious surrender to the Force from above."
--Sri Aurobindo or the Adventure of Consciousness, by Satprem

Dharma in Love

"My soul glowed from the fire of your fire. Your world was a whispering water At the river of my heart." --by the poet Rumi

While in love we often fear, often unconsciously fear, that another will subsume us, that we will drown in relationship, and to some extent this is true. The ego must move aside for the opening to the path to love. Love and the soul however will not be lost or drown in another. Rather these are our immutable essences; they cannot be lost or drowned, and yet ego strongly fears this fate. Our sense of self-protection that is ego rapidly assesses any situation in which we must potentially yield to be a threat.

There is a fundamental mystery to the soul, however, writes Deepak Chopra in his book, The Path to Love. He writes further, "its integrity is not violated by merging with another person. The blending of two spirits brings more to the union than each partner started with. The process of soul-making that used to be [for me alone] "me" is now for "us." The poet Rumi expressed this thought with these words:

My soul glowed from the fire of your fire.

Your world was a whispering water.

At the river of my heart.

With the growth of spiritual realization is the awareness that two can be as one; that the multiple aspects of the Dharmakaya are are work; that the Christian idea of a triune relationship within the soul of a great spirit, communing with God are all infinite and possible. While in the state of ego, on the other hand, persons remain isolated and self-protected as if in a siege mentality. There then is no room for the other; often a feeling of isolation and a vague, undefined loneliness results. Yet spirit calls to us powerfully, first, in romantic love. 

We fall in love and for the first time as Rumi passionately writes, we have the opportunity to engage our self into self as an expansion of identity. The Spirit uses relationship as its vehicle. No man is an island; spirit calls to us to overcome our fears such that love may be its replacement.

Once in relationship, however we gain a foothold over ourselves despite the passion, despite the growing self awareness, and ego often returns to us with a vengeance. Falling in love is delightful; it is passion, and a glimpse of the spirit itself. Being in love, love itself entails commitment, and a certain struggle. Many who come to this place in their spiritual journeys feel a sense of loss, and fear what is to come next. 

Relationships have consequences. While they give to each person a sense of belonging, friendship, security and compassion, love also demands something from each partner. Things like patience, devotion, persistence are part of the work and struggle to be realized along the path. Sometimes relationship is hard and painful. Resolution brings joy, and it brings disappointment. "The only real difference between romance and relationship, spiritually speaking, has to do with surrender. Surrender comes naturally to two people when they first fall in love." Love's first flush gives us the courage to do that, to be fearless and act under its protective power. Spiritually, surrender is a solution to the paradox existing between ego and spirit. 

Yet persons who love, who are intimates, over time often find that the ego, now returned carries them on its own agenda. Lovers play games to test one another, they withhold themselves; they are unwilling to give to spirit, and they are unwilling to give to and serve one another. Surrender now must be conscious. It must be an act of free will, of choosing this as your path. Chopra writes, "this isn't to say that surrender isn't hard work; it is conscious work. As such it can bring the same joy and delights as falling in love, the same sense of play which relieves lovers of the ego burdens." 

The British writer and poet, D. H. Lawrence wrote, "That is the crystal of peace, the slow hard jewel of trust, the sapphire of fidelity. The gem of mutual peace emerging from the wild chaos of love."

A free loving commitment of the will made to another is the realization over time of: peacefulness, a companionship and a trust made by the Spirit to another which is, and is not self. "When they are fully committed... they see God in each other." On that basis, they are able to surrender, not to one another so much, as to surrender themselves to the God in each other, and to the God, the Dharmakaya in all things. Dharma is an ancient idea. It means perhaps most fully, sacredness. In its Sanskrit origin, dharma means to sustain or uphold. 

Thus what upholds, honors, or respects another's life is in keeping with dharma. It is, for example in dharma not to tell lies, to deceive oneself or others. Dharma looks to the sacred, it is tied to and intimately guided by spirit. Dharmakaya, likewise, is Karuna, love; love then is a guiding force emanating from the great being, the Dharmakaya. Thus surrender in relationship is surrender to spirit, to dharma. In the Way of the Beloved, the dharma is "a vision of spiritual equality; when you perceive life through this vision, separation ends."

Spiritual Destiny in the Vedic Tradition

"The path to love is never about externals... the path to love isn't a choice, for all of us must find out who we are. This is our spiritual destiny." --The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra

Socially "all of us must find a partner, marry and raise a family," writes Chopra in his book, The Path to Love. "But this social pattern isn't a path because it isn't automatically spiritual... A spiritual path has only one reason to exist: it shows the Way for the soul to grow. As it grows, more spiritual truth is revealed, more of the soul's promise is redeemed." People today, he notes are often filled with self doubts, doubts about others in their lives; like restless consumers, they adopt a shopping mentality, rather than a sense of free choice and self determination, they carry about mental check-lists of pluses and minuses.

However says Chopra, when you find the Way, you find your love; you find your heart. "However good or bad you feel about your relationship right now, the person you are with is the right person because he or she is a mirror of whom you feel to be inside to this moment. So when we struggle with others, in this view, we are in fact struggling with ourselves. As the French proverb says, "Qui accuse, s'accuse," or "He who accuses, accuses himself." Often we think that when we find that person, they will clear it up for us, they will either give or take something we do not already possess. However, when you do find love, inevitably, you find yourself.

"Therefore the path to love isn't a choice, for all of us must find out who we are. This is our spiritual destiny. Doubts reflect the ego which drives away from the path; love reflects God, eternal, divine essence." Ultimately the promise of faith is that you will travel the Way without any promises or guarantees, walking in the light of truth or Veda, beyond anything which your mind knows in this, or any other moment. 

Falling in love, once on the path, on the Way, you find yourself at the beginning of Love's eternal journey to the One, to wholeness, to sacredness. Learning to accept the present moment as it is, a growing acceptance and surrender to those moments arises, and a key to a spiritual relationship is realized. "The true need of the spirit is always to grow." As you grow, Chopra writes, "you exchange false, shallow feelings for deep , true emotions, and thus trust, compassion and devotion and service become realities" in your life. Your thoughts change; your changes and growth lead to the need for action; in a marriage, there is no faltering, because such a relationship is sacred, based on the Way of the divine. Such relationships are also innocent, because innocence thrives in environments which devotion, love and service to others is your primary motive.

Thus as followers of the Way, travellers on the path, the Beloved, the divine beloved, may be the one whom we meet in our life, or it may be internal, the one who is in their soul, their image of God, reflected onto them. As a vision or a call the awareness of the beloved, through surrender to that which is greatest, blossoms into love for the One. "All relationships are simply, ultimately a relationship with God." What does your relationship look like? What does your soul desire to be?