Fearing the Beloved

"Most of us go into relationships to find security; we want to be with someone else who makes us feel safe… Spiritually the answer to fear… [is] you are already safe." The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra

Writing about a compelling topic, a concern for individuals and societies the world over, Deepak Chopra in his book, The Path to Love, makes a simply profound observation. That is the simple realization that we are safe, as safe as we can be in any given moment.
If we have suffered previously, we are safe. What has occurred is past and we have survived it. It is spiritually unnecessary to make events "larger than life." Everything as a part of the whole has its place in the world. Traumatized though we may be by events, they are survivable.

It may be part of your life experience that you were left alone together with your mother by your father to fend for yourselves; possibly your experience has been war, or criminal acts; maybe you have experienced the effects of serious illness, possibly ongoing events such as cancer or mental illnesses like serious depression.
But it remains true that you have survived each and all of these events day by day! The worst is not, what is before you, as you fear; it isn't unknown.
 Looking into the face of an assailant or one who abandons you, treats you poorly, may well inspire fears, or it may initiate a 'substitute life,' one provoked by the mind's imagination.

"If you felt truly safe, fear wouldn't arise," writes Chopra. He makes the point that from a position of spirituality, all fears are projections, a term coined by psychologist Carl Jung to state that one's thoughts, feeling and perceptions are outwardly focused or projected away from the self in an effort to defend the 'ego' from jolts.
"As long as these projections continue, you will keep generating fearful situations to accommodate them… the threats you perceive around you now, or coming at you in the future are the long shadow being cast by your past."
In relationships of long time standing, we often counteract this impulse to fear precisely because the lengthiness of the relationship.
In other words, according to this observation made by Chopra, if it was going to happen, it has already occurred, and you have already survived the worst of it. There is nothing more to fear today.

Now in romantic love, we feel protected and loved. But it was love, all along, whose protection we sought. "The love you have for one person is a safe zone and thus a good place to begin.'
'The beloved is like a harbor" in which you may take refuge. In an effort to protect ourselves from pain or disappointment, we may perform many maneuvers, either consciously or unconsciously.

Spiritually it is something like the child who places their hands over their ears. It's good for muffling overly loud noises or frustrating conversations. But it isn't selective; it blocks out most everything. So our efforts to protect our self from what we fear, often also accomplishes the banishment of the possibilities for love.

We can begin to replace controlling with allowing, writes Chopra. "If you can begin to replace controlling with allowing to your Beloved, the effect is to release you from attachment--both of you are spiritually served from the same act."
Examples of allowing are things like letting go of controls such as judgment, impatience, resistance; these may be replaced by allowing yourself and others some tolerance, acceptance, and open, non-resistance. There is a great freedom here; energy is released for other, constructive uses.

"Needing to control life, either yours or your partner, is based on spiritual desperation." When you allow, the self-serving facade of a demanding, critical, impatient, perfectionist partner begins to crumble.
An easy, more comfortable friendliness then may take its place, at least, in increasing amounts. Blame becomes unnecessary, love flows as a heart-felt sensation.
So then, from Chopra's view, the most loving thing one can do is to encourage and support these shifts within our self and our Beloved.

Prana, the Breath of God

"The heart is the chooser, the midway Chakra that stands between upper and lower; it is the mediator, the center of feeling. The function of the heart isn't to label good or bad; it doesn't judge or reject. Out of love it blends high and low..." --The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra

Human beings, writes Chopra "are the only creatures born with a higher and a lower nature." Here in the West, he notes, the terms higher and lower, are hued with the ideas of sacred and profane; yet we know by experience that there is one world, all things are infinite within it. There are not two worlds, good/bad, or sacred/profane. The world contains everything within herself: all good, all wicked, all holy, blessed and all corrupt. It is filled with love, indifference, intolerance and the One.

When young, we may wish, desire, crave even, for an intimate relationship with another. Chopra discusses in his book, The Path to Love that we may think that intimacy is sexualized love; later we may find through our life experiences, through being open to life challenges that life is love, sex, laughter and pain-- getting close is frightening, provoking, even. Sometimes the road seems as if it will swallow us up; we want to run, to hide. We fear abandonment or rejection along the path. "There's a spiritual issue here," says Chopra. 

Life is a process. It is forms; it's being and non being, the ways of feeling and doing. "In India it's taught that the same life force, or Prana, runs through everything. In Christian terms, it is the "Breath of God," which transforms dead, inert matter to life, says Chopra. Writing in the book, The Upanishads by Sri Aurobindo, Aurobindo details a bit more in contrast to Chopra. 

Sri Aurobindo describes, "Prana, the life force in the nervous system, is indeed the one main instrument of our mental consciousness; for it is that by which the mind receives the contacts of the physical world through the organs of knowledge, sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste; it reacts by action. All these senses are dependent upon the nervous life force for their functioning."
Aurobindo goes on to detail the inner and exterior workings of Prana, the breath or life force as he describes them. He says there are five workings of the life force. The discussion is lengthy and complex. 

He concludes in part, that respiration is only one part of the life force, but one which can be suspended (in his view) without the body necessarily being destroyed. He writes that we become aware of Prana through purification of the mind and body.

A Power in the World Too Great to Be Extinguished

The Simple Mind is away from the computer. This article appeared here previously on Feb. 2, 2009

"You are the secret of God's heart." by Unknown

The most valuable thing you can offer is your possible, or potential spirit. This is what you have always available to offer, what you need to live your own love story. Like the seed watered, your love is without beginning and without end. Watering the seeds of your love, is a practice that makes you grow-- but it is only a practice, not an end. For, if your focus becomes the notion of "growing," then the end becomes just that--a pursuit and the way is obscured by what you pursue.

As Deepak Chopra relates in his book, The Path to Love,
"...[it] is something that you consciously choose to follow, and everyone who has fallen in love has taken that first step." Pope John Paul II in his first public gathering, exhorted the crowd with the Bible verse, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you always."

Deepak continues, "In India, the spiritual path is called Sadhana, and as I've mentioned though a tiny majority of people give up normal life to wander the world as seekers of enlightenment, these monks, Sadhus, everyone, from those in the most ancient civilization of  Vedic India until today, considers their life to be a Sadhana, a path to the Self. Although the Self seems separate from us, it is actually intertwined in everything a person thinks, feels, or does... As long as the Self has yet to be found, sadhana exists. The "goal" is to change your awareness from separation to unity."

And while the inner work takes place, it must have something exterior to sustain it.
"In India, a person's nature leads him to the style of path appropriate to reaching fulfillment. Some people are naturally intellectual, and therefore are suited to the path of knowledge or Gyana. Some are more devotional and are suited to the path of worship, Bhakti. Some are more outwardly motivated and are suited to the path of action, or Karma. The three are not mutually exclusive; rather they may form a wholly integrated path.

"Ideally there are periods of study, worship and reflection, and service in a person's day." It is possible to be so taken by a particular practice that ones' whole existence centers upon that practice. Perhaps it is reading the Scriptures, contemplation or scholarly debate, living the life of Gyana; perhaps spending time meditating, chanting and participating in Temple rituals as the life of a Bhakti. Or you may focus yourself doing social work, teaching, serving, applying yourself to mental and physical purification doing God's bidding in daily life, the work of Karma.

"A path is just a way to open yourself to spirit, to God, to love. These are aims we may cherish, but our culture has given us no established way to reach them. Indeed, never in history has a seeker been confronted with such a disorganized and chaotic spiritual scene."

Today what we are left with is the desire to love and be loved, a force and a power in the world too great to be extinguished; thus the path to love is not simply a pretty metaphor, it is a reality. In India, the most ancient version of this is bhakti or devotion, from Vedic India in which all love is in the search for God. The Sufis of Islam, and the great teacher and poet, Rumi, testify to this.

Christ initiated another version of the Way in his teaching "Love you neighbor as yourself." He did not simply say like. Rather, he passionately intoned the word love as his great commandment. The Christian idea of the Way is akin to the relationship between a parent for his beloved child. God is seen as the great mother/father. In the Hebrew scriptures, there is the great love of God for his creation in the Song of Solomon.

However "since the advent of Freud, psychologists have assured us that falling in love is illusory; the sense of ecstacy that is part of falling in love isn't realistic. We must learn to accept the temporary nature of romance and disregard the "projected fantasy" that we might be as immortal and invulnerable as lovers often feel." Chopra among others insists, the sense of uniqueness, blessing and delight felt by lovers has its own reality, but it must be found within, the world wishes no such part. The mystery that is love, joins us to a reality that we yearn for, and despite the "differences of a Sufi master, a yogi, a Christian saint, and a Chinese martial artist, all perceive spirit as clearly as seeing the earth and sky."

Dharma in Love

"My soul glowed from the fire of your fire. Your world was a whispering water At the river of my heart." --by the poet Rumi

While in love we often fear, often unconsciously fear, that another will subsume us, that we will drown in relationship, and to some extent this is true. The ego must move aside for the opening to the path to love. Love and the soul however will not be lost or drown in another. Rather these are our immutable essences; they cannot be lost or drowned, and yet ego strongly fears this fate. Our sense of self-protection that is ego rapidly assesses any situation in which we must potentially yield to be a threat.

There is a fundamental mystery to the soul, however, writes Deepak Chopra in his book, The Path to Love. He writes further, "its integrity is not violated by merging with another person. The blending of two spirits brings more to the union than each partner started with. The process of soul-making that used to be [for me alone] "me" is now for "us." The poet Rumi expressed this thought with these words:

My soul glowed from the fire of your fire.

Your world was a whispering water.

At the river of my heart.

With the growth of spiritual realization is the awareness that two can be as one; that the multiple aspects of the Dharmakaya are are work; that the Christian idea of a triune relationship within the soul of a great spirit, communing with God are all infinite and possible. While in the state of ego, on the other hand, persons remain isolated and self-protected as if in a siege mentality. There then is no room for the other; often a feeling of isolation and a vague, undefined loneliness results. Yet spirit calls to us powerfully, first, in romantic love. 

We fall in love and for the first time as Rumi passionately writes, we have the opportunity to engage our self into self as an expansion of identity. The Spirit uses relationship as its vehicle. No man is an island; spirit calls to us to overcome our fears such that love may be its replacement.

Once in relationship, however we gain a foothold over ourselves despite the passion, despite the growing self awareness, and ego often returns to us with a vengeance. Falling in love is delightful; it is passion, and a glimpse of the spirit itself. Being in love, love itself entails commitment, and a certain struggle. Many who come to this place in their spiritual journeys feel a sense of loss, and fear what is to come next. 

Relationships have consequences. While they give to each person a sense of belonging, friendship, security and compassion, love also demands something from each partner. Things like patience, devotion, persistence are part of the work and struggle to be realized along the path. Sometimes relationship is hard and painful. Resolution brings joy, and it brings disappointment. "The only real difference between romance and relationship, spiritually speaking, has to do with surrender. Surrender comes naturally to two people when they first fall in love." Love's first flush gives us the courage to do that, to be fearless and act under its protective power. Spiritually, surrender is a solution to the paradox existing between ego and spirit. 

Yet persons who love, who are intimates, over time often find that the ego, now returned carries them on its own agenda. Lovers play games to test one another, they withhold themselves; they are unwilling to give to spirit, and they are unwilling to give to and serve one another. Surrender now must be conscious. It must be an act of free will, of choosing this as your path. Chopra writes, "this isn't to say that surrender isn't hard work; it is conscious work. As such it can bring the same joy and delights as falling in love, the same sense of play which relieves lovers of the ego burdens." 

The British writer and poet, D. H. Lawrence wrote, "That is the crystal of peace, the slow hard jewel of trust, the sapphire of fidelity. The gem of mutual peace emerging from the wild chaos of love."

A free loving commitment of the will made to another is the realization over time of: peacefulness, a companionship and a trust made by the Spirit to another which is, and is not self. "When they are fully committed... they see God in each other." On that basis, they are able to surrender, not to one another so much, as to surrender themselves to the God in each other, and to the God, the Dharmakaya in all things. Dharma is an ancient idea. It means perhaps most fully, sacredness. In its Sanskrit origin, dharma means to sustain or uphold. 

Thus what upholds, honors, or respects another's life is in keeping with dharma. It is, for example in dharma not to tell lies, to deceive oneself or others. Dharma looks to the sacred, it is tied to and intimately guided by spirit. Dharmakaya, likewise, is Karuna, love; love then is a guiding force emanating from the great being, the Dharmakaya. Thus surrender in relationship is surrender to spirit, to dharma. In the Way of the Beloved, the dharma is "a vision of spiritual equality; when you perceive life through this vision, separation ends."

Spiritual Destiny in the Vedic Tradition

"The path to love is never about externals... the path to love isn't a choice, for all of us must find out who we are. This is our spiritual destiny." --The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra

Socially "all of us must find a partner, marry and raise a family," writes Chopra in his book, The Path to Love. "But this social pattern isn't a path because it isn't automatically spiritual... A spiritual path has only one reason to exist: it shows the Way for the soul to grow. As it grows, more spiritual truth is revealed, more of the soul's promise is redeemed." People today, he notes are often filled with self doubts, doubts about others in their lives; like restless consumers, they adopt a shopping mentality, rather than a sense of free choice and self determination, they carry about mental check-lists of pluses and minuses.

However says Chopra, when you find the Way, you find your love; you find your heart. "However good or bad you feel about your relationship right now, the person you are with is the right person because he or she is a mirror of whom you feel to be inside to this moment. So when we struggle with others, in this view, we are in fact struggling with ourselves. As the French proverb says, "Qui accuse, s'accuse," or "He who accuses, accuses himself." Often we think that when we find that person, they will clear it up for us, they will either give or take something we do not already possess. However, when you do find love, inevitably, you find yourself.

"Therefore the path to love isn't a choice, for all of us must find out who we are. This is our spiritual destiny. Doubts reflect the ego which drives away from the path; love reflects God, eternal, divine essence." Ultimately the promise of faith is that you will travel the Way without any promises or guarantees, walking in the light of truth or Veda, beyond anything which your mind knows in this, or any other moment. 

Falling in love, once on the path, on the Way, you find yourself at the beginning of Love's eternal journey to the One, to wholeness, to sacredness. Learning to accept the present moment as it is, a growing acceptance and surrender to those moments arises, and a key to a spiritual relationship is realized. "The true need of the spirit is always to grow." As you grow, Chopra writes, "you exchange false, shallow feelings for deep , true emotions, and thus trust, compassion and devotion and service become realities" in your life. Your thoughts change; your changes and growth lead to the need for action; in a marriage, there is no faltering, because such a relationship is sacred, based on the Way of the divine. Such relationships are also innocent, because innocence thrives in environments which devotion, love and service to others is your primary motive.

Thus as followers of the Way, travellers on the path, the Beloved, the divine beloved, may be the one whom we meet in our life, or it may be internal, the one who is in their soul, their image of God, reflected onto them. As a vision or a call the awareness of the beloved, through surrender to that which is greatest, blossoms into love for the One. "All relationships are simply, ultimately a relationship with God." What does your relationship look like? What does your soul desire to be?