Spirits Calling

"My soul glowed from the fire of your fire. Your world was a whispering water At the river of my heart." --by the poet Rumi

While in love we often fear, often unconsciously fear, that another will subsume us, that we will drown in relationship, and to some extent this is true. The ego must move aside for the opening to the path to love. Love and the soul however will not be lost or drown in another. Rather these are our immutable essences; they cannot be lost or drowned, and yet ego strongly fears this fate. Our sense of self-protection that is ego rapidly assesses any situation in which we must potentially yield to be a threat.

There is a fundamental mystery to the soul, however, writes Deepak Chopra in his book, The Path to Love. He writes further, "its integrity is not violated by merging with another person. The blending of two spirits brings more to the union than each partner started with. The process of soul-making that used to be [for me alone] "me" is now for "us." The poet Rumi expressed this thought with these words:

My soul glowed from the fire of your fire.

Your world was a whispering water.

At the river of my heart.

With the growth of spiritual realization is the awareness that two can be as one; that the multiple aspects of the Dharmakaya are are work; that the Christian idea of a triune relationship within the soul of a great spirit, communing with God are all infinite and possible. While in the state of ego, on the other hand, persons remain isolated and self-protected as if in a siege mentality. There then is no room for the other; often a feeling of isolation and a vague, undefined loneliness results. Yet spirit calls to us powerfully, first, in romantic love. 

We fall in love and for the first time as Rumi passionately writes, we have the opportunity to engage our self into self as an expansion of identity. The Spirit uses relationship as its vehicle. No man is an island; spirit calls to us to overcome our fears such that love may be its replacement.

Once in relationship, however we gain a foothold over ourselves despite the passion, despite the growing self awareness, and ego often returns to us with a vengeance. Falling in love is delightful; it is passion, and a glimpse of the spirit itself. Being in love, love itself entails commitment, and a certain struggle. Many who come to this place in their spiritual journeys feel a sense of loss, and fear what is to come next. 

Relationships have consequences. While they give to each person a sense of belonging, friendship, security and compassion, love also demands something from each partner. Things like patience, devotion, persistence are part of the work and struggle to be realized along the path. Sometimes relationship is hard and painful. Resolution brings joy, and it brings disappointment. "The only real difference between romance and relationship, spiritually speaking, has to do with surrender. Surrender comes naturally to two people when they first fall in love." Love's first flush gives us the courage to do that, to be fearless and act under its protective power. Spiritually, surrender is a solution to the paradox existing between ego and spirit. 

Yet persons who love, who are intimates, over time often find that the ego, now returned carries them on its own agenda. Lovers play games to test one another, they withhold themselves; they are unwilling to give to spirit, and they are unwilling to give to and serve one another. Surrender now must be conscious. It must be an act of free will, of choosing this as your path. Chopra writes, "this isn't to say that surrender isn't hard work; it is conscious work. As such it can bring the same joy and delights as falling in love, the same sense of play which relieves lovers of the ego burdens." 

The British writer and poet, D. H. Lawrence wrote, "That is the crystal of peace, the slow hard jewel of trust, the sapphire of fidelity. The gem of mutual peace emerging from the wild chaos of love."

A free loving commitment of the will made to another is the realization over time of: peacefulness, a companionship and a trust made by the Spirit to another which is, and is not self. "When they are fully committed... they see God in each other." On that basis, they are able to surrender, not to one another so much, as to surrender themselves to the God in each other, and to the God, the Dharmakaya in all things. Dharma is an ancient idea. It means perhaps most fully, sacredness. In its Sanskrit origin, dharma means to sustain or uphold. 

Thus what upholds, honors, or respects another's life is in keeping with dharma. It is, for example in dharma not to tell lies, to deceive oneself or others. Dharma looks to the sacred, it is tied to and intimately guided by spirit. Dharmakaya, likewise, is Karuna, love; love then is a guiding force emanating from the great being, the Dharmakaya. Thus surrender in relationship is surrender to spirit, to dharma. In the Way of the Beloved, the dharma is "a vision of spiritual equality; when you perceive life through this vision, separation ends."

True Love From the False

"Love gives itself; it isn't bought." Henry W. Longfellow

As we move through our lives, one hears and learns by experience a simple truth as the poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote. Love is free, it cannot be bought or coerced. Nor can it be captured or restrained, like a pet canary, adored in a golden cage.
Loving persons come together by desire, by free will, in giving. Lovers cannot be used, one blind to the motives of another. 'Love,' as the Bible tells us, 'sees all, knows all, tolerates, is patient and forgives'. In the book of Corinthians it is written:

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."

The conclusion of this passage is also simple enough:

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now-- faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love." --1Corinthians-NSB translation

For those whose life experience has been without the experience of love's purity, innocence, freedom, or patience, the foundation of relationship as adults may easily turn to an experience in which there is a transaction of "confusion between winners and losers in a game of competing needs," writes Deepak Chopra in his book, The Path to Love.
 Instead of weaving together in friendship, in desire, in love, individuals concentrate on what will benefit me. "How many couples bond by forming a "we" that is just a stronger, tougher version of "me"? muses Chopra.

"Undoubtedly," he continues,  "mutual ego needs have a place in every relationship... however when they obliterate the tender growth and life of love in the Spirit," love is replaced with something that is false. He notes that "acquiring an ally to fulfill them [needs] isn't the same as getting free from them. 
Only love can free us."
"The reason that ego and love are not compatible comes down to this: you cannot take your ego into the unknown, where love wants to lead. Ego craves control, certainty, and power alone. As practitioners on the Way, looking carefully, we see this is false notion. By life experience, we have found that the world is not static, it is not every man an island. Rather the world is as the Buddha preached: a world of change, impermanence; a world that survives because of the inter-being of all. One depends upon another.

Think about your morning habits, for example. The dwelling you awoke in was quite possibly built by another, the electricity you used was wired and made safe for you by others. The food you eat was grown and delivered by others; the water you drink, and the road you travel-- all made safe by others. A truth of love versus ego, then, is that "Uncertainty is the basis of life," writes Chopra.
And inter-being is the way.
Allow yourself what you deeply desire.  In love, in spirit, there are no ulterior motives. While acknowledging another's needs or wants, "Spirit neither takes responsibility for that need nor opposes it." In this way, the person and their love is seen as real, because whatever your true need is, is your reality.

The Most Personal Words

"Words become more personal the more emotional they are."  The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra

In loving practice, the "most valuable things you can learn about yourself  is what you mean by the words, 'I love you'." The phrase is complex because it involves you, says Chopra.  
This phrase has both past and present contained within; it is filled with self-expectation, and expectations for others. 
Some of these may be painful. In reflecting on the meaning of the phrase, it is both helpful and creative to actually 'brain storm' and write down words which you freely associate with 'I love you.' Chopra then asks his reader to reflect on the type of words and person(s) associated with them who surface in your unique list; he interprets for his reader.

Bringing the conversation back to the basis in Dharma, there exists a deep mystery of the 'soul,' one which is not easily defined or perceived. For in love, there is the 'blending' of soul, two making something which one is not alone. This creation forms uniquely between the two. What began as 'me' is now 'us' or 'we.'
The realization of an 'us' or a 'we' forms "the essence of surrender." Being in Dharma makes 'us' or 'we,' a possible reality by healing a sense of separation. There is a sense of a unified spirit acting in the best interests of the Oneness. This is not just rhetoric.
When you come from love, unity allows a clear view of another's viewpoint. You understand the one who is not exactly your self, and not yet so very different from you.

There is another meaning to surrender. It is the falling into what you deeply desire. The spirit "frames it as, 'I see that you need me." It is the process that is essential; the focus is just that moment to moment experience. The outcome is less critical. 
 "Spirit has no such ulterior motives. It acknowledges the other person's need, but it neither takes responsibility for that need nor denies it."
It accepts, even if you may not immediately understand. So the need that we most have is to be seen (known, recognized), to be invited, and to be welcome in our own daily life as we move through our dharma. The absence of these things is the source of much of alienation in modern life. Surrendering in the spirit of service gives "rise to joy."

All great religious traditions point to the Way, the spiritual path by that tradition. Often these ways are counter-cultural; they may be radical or culturally subversive. They ask for risk, for forward movement into places initially mysterious or even frightening; for outcomes which we cannot initially foresee. They may even seem to lead to death of a certain kind.
The "Vedas teach that human beings are capable of personal evolution." So Kali may not actually be Kali, nor Lord Siva, Siva.
When we are confused, we are out of dharma; if we refuse synchronicity, our path loses focus; we temporally lose our way. Everything happens in an ordered fashion. The way of dharma sees to that.

 Chopra continues his point. He writes that "love and attachment aren't the same thing...Isn't it love when you share your world with someone else? ...be exclusive in this way?
The answer is surprising, the deeper you  look, the more you will see love and attachment are not the same thing." Love, he says allows freedom of the Beloved to be unlike you.
Attachment seeks conformity; Love imposes no particular demands.
Attachment expresses overwhelmingly an 'urge to merge.' Love expands and includes; attachment wishes to exclude all others. It is possessive; it's jealous.
"The seduction of attachment is a feeling of security from the outside world." However that may be what deadens and insulates us.
But for some, it also prompts a cloying feeling, a paradox which jump-starts one, propelling them back into life itself.

The Secret of God's Heart

"You are the secret of God's heart."

The most valuable thing you can offer is your possible or potential spirit. This is what you have always available to offer, what you need to live your own love story. Like the seed watered, your love is without beginning and without end. Watering the seeds of your love, is a practice that makes you grow-- but it is only a practice, not an end. For, if your focus becomes the notion of "growing," then the end becomes just that--a pursuit and the way is obscured by what you pursue.

As Deepak Chopra relates in his book, The Path to Love,"... [it] is something that you consciously choose to follow, and everyone who has fallen in love has taken that first step." Pope John Paul II in his first public gathering, exhorted the crowd with the Bible verse, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you always."
Deepak continues, "In India, the spiritual path is called Sadhana, and as I've mentioned though a tiny majority of people give up normal life to wander the world as seekers of enlightenment, these monks, Sadhus, everyone, from those in the most ancient civilization of Vedic India until today, considers their life to be a Sadhana, a path to the Self. Although the Self seems separate from us, it is actually intertwined in everything a person thinks, feels, or does... 

As long as the Self has yet to be found, sadhana exists. The "goal" is to change your awareness from separation to unity." And while the inner work takes place, it must have something exterior to sustain it.
"In India, a person's nature leads him to the style of path appropriate to reaching fulfillment. Some people are naturally intellectual, and therefore are suited to the path of knowledge or Gyana. Some are more devotional and are suited to the path of worship, Bhakti. Some are more outwardly motivated and are suited to the path of action, or Karma. The three are not mutually exclusive; rather they may form a wholly integrated path.

"Ideally there are periods of study, worship and reflection, and service in a person's day." It is possible to be so taken by a particular practice that ones' whole existence centers upon that practice. Perhaps it is reading the Scriptures, contemplation or scholarly debate, living the life of Gyana; perhaps spending time meditating, chanting and participating in Temple rituals as the life of a Bhakti. Or you may focus yourself doing social work, teaching, serving, applying yourself to mental and physical purification doing God's bidding in daily life, the work of Karma.


"A path is just a way to open yourself to spirit, to God, to love. These are aims we may cherish, but our culture has given us no established way to reach them. Indeed, never in history has a seeker been confronted with such a disorganized and chaotic spiritual scene." Today what we are left with is the desire to love and be loved, a force and a power in the world too great to be extinguished; thus the path to love is not simply a pretty metaphor, it is a reality. And you are the greatest secret of god's heart. In India, the most ancient version of this is bhakti or devotion, from Vedic India in which all love is in the search for God. The Sufis of Islam, and the great teacher and poet, Rumi, testify to this.

Christ initiated another version of the Way in his teaching "Love your neighbor as yourself." He did not simply say like, rather he passionately intoned the word love as his great commandment. The Christian idea of the Way is about the relationship between a parent, a creator,  for his beloved child. God is seen as the great mother/father. In the Hebrew scriptures, there is the great love of God for his creation in the Song of Solomon.
However "since the advent of Freud, psychologists have assured us that falling in love is illusory; the sense of ecstasy that is part of falling in love isn't realistic. We must learn to accept the temporary nature of romance and disregard the "projected fantasy" that we might be as immortal and invulnerable as lovers often feel."
On the other hand, Chopra among others insists, the sense of uniqueness, blessing and delight felt by lovers has its own reality, but it must be found within; the world wishes no such part. The mystery that is love, joins us to a reality that we yearn for, and despite the "differences of a Sufi master, a yogi, a Christian saint, and a Chinese martial artist, all perceive spirit as clearly as seeing the earth and sky."