Working to See More Clearly

"Take up the way of meeting others on equal ground." --Buddhist precept as discussed by Diane Rizzetto in her book, Waking Up to What You Do.

In her book, Waking Up to What You Do, Abbess Diane Rizzetto writes on the precept of meeting others on equal ground. She quotes the writer Dag Hammarskjold, Markings: 

"To be humble is not to make comparisons. Secure in

its reality, the self is neither better nor worse, bigger nor smaller, 

than any thing else in the universe. It is nothing; at the same time, 

one with the universe." 

What are the obvious and not so obvious ways that we regard ourselves in light of others? Do we gain self-worth in measuring ourselves against others? Do we consider our own thoughts, our own way? Do we praise ourselves at the expense of others? Or while not praising ourselves, abuse others?

What keeps us from meeting others, from meeting the stranger on equal ground? What about competition--are there winners and losers in the world? How does anger, insecurity, fear, shame and blame block the way of meeting others on equal ground? 

Why must we meet equally? Despite our sometimes fearful and anxious experiences of meeting others with pounding heart and cold hand, adrenaline flowing making us feel like ice, meeting others on equal ground is important.

Even so, there are many ways we either subtly or overtly avoid our feelings and perceptions of unease with ourselves; we measure, we criticize, blame and shame our way through life. Putting others down will pull us up, it seems--maybe. By learning more about the reality of inter-being we come to find that this isn't so.

 Making you dirty, makes me dirty; disrespect to you is disrespect to myself. I am the doing, the making of it all, the dream of self. Considering this perception, we find it isn't limited to speech. Behavior is also a means of competition and measuring ourselves to others.

We may ignore, exclude or avoid others in our activities with the intention to demonstrate a perception of superiority. Sometimes we even think we are more sophisticated, more enlightened than the others. 

In history we learn that the Buddha was enlightened in a simple way, under a tree, no posh hotel or vacation spot for him. The Christ was hung ultimately on a cross, no limousine or finely dressed mourners at his death. 

Gandhi was shot to death, there were no bowing supplicants before him; rather, it was the end of a gun. So too for Martin Luther King. 

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta had no exemplary education beyond courage and will. These figures are burned into our consciousness; they were both humble and great, simple and wise.

Do not admire them; be more like them. Diane Rizzetto writes, "When we speak or act in these [other] ways, clarity, discovery and true dialog [understanding] are lost. 

Even if we don't consciously place ourselves above others...if we're in the game of competition by watching our reactions when we make a mistake... Do we blame... find excuses... jump in defense?"   
Do we say what it is; that is, do we say, "I forgot, I lost it, I didn't understand?" In being humble, speaking truthfully, we are neither better nor worse.

However, when our focus is to maintain ourselves in a perception of better than others, above them, then we close ourselves, we cut ourselves off; separation from the world and others occurs. We then choose to live in division. 

There is now just the dream, that dream of self. Working to see more clearly, vispayana, the ways we judge others, and the ways we place so much of our energy in covering up ourselves due to fear, anxiety, shame-- the same energy is always available to help us to see more clearly and compassionately our own, true selves. Neither better nor worse than others. 

"Whether we place ourselves above or below others, we are substituting an idea about who we are, or who others are, or should be for the simple truth that as human beings we are good at some things and not so good at other things. We fail and succeed; we know and we don't know; we accomplish some useful things in our day, and we mess up some other things. This is what it means to be human..." to be humble, to be neither better nor worse, to be oneself." paraphrased

"Take your practiced powers and stretch them out until they span the chasm between contradictions... for the god wants to know himself in you."
-- Poet Maria Rilke

When Scary You

There are times when others behave or speak in ways that are out of our comfort zone; in ways that we don't ordinarily think about or observe, and we may feel frightened or threatened. 
Remembering that it is someone who, them self, is feeling frightened and acting out that anxious mind isn't always the first thing we think about.
It is likely, after all, that when we are uncomfortable, threatened-- feeling small to your big, the first response is to lash out, to even up the situation. So we become loud, stubborn, overbearing, competitive.

And meeting others on level ground can be initially difficult when what we most want is to beat and retreat. However standing and announcing that they are scary right now may be just one way to break thorough to a truth that is otherwise hard to know.
 Dealing with others on a level playing field transforms you and the interaction into something less intimidating and more manageable.
You are now much more an equal; think about it-- people who aren't feeling bigger or smaller in comparison to others rarely are antagonistic. That is a spiritual truth all can ponder.  

Feeling frightened or seeming scary isn't just limited to yelling, belligerence or overtly acting out; silence, other non-communication or when the person is speaking calmly, but not making a whole lot of sense, is admittedly scary too.

Regardless of the form of "scary" which you may perceive, meeting others on level ground makes all the difference in a relationship with others. What is this meeting on level ground about? Zen teacher, Diane Rizzetto writes that it is about measures of self worth. She notes that many of us, many times place people below or above ourselves. We move about our daily life with a sometimes unconscious "measure stick."

Like Thomas Merton noted, we categorize and classify others, and sometimes dismiss them. Dag Hammarskjold observes that by avoiding those occasions of comparison, we are more humble, not better nor worse than any other. We then meet as equal, equally human. Some use these measures to avoid uncomfortable feelings they have; though we are neither better nor worse as human beings, we often have the impulse to place personal responsibility elsewhere, to fault find; looking at our self with the mind of not better nor worse can over time lead to a greater self acceptance and feeling for others because in relationships, we don't need to convert others or clone our self. It's one step off the spinning wheel of suffering.